Most people have told me that they knew from day one that I was going to go back to Florida, even those who were expecting the original plan of Dave and I moving there together. I think my parents even took bets on how long they thought we'd last in Arkansas. I wish I would've known all of that so I wouldn't have struggled for weeks as to what choice to make lol. Obviously, my life did a complete turnaround and I assumed that going back to Arkansas was the right thing to do. Now I really didn't have a choice because by the time Dave died, I had told Universal I was quitting and we had already terminated our apartment lease. So I didn't have many options and I figured I was supposed to go to Arkansas because being in Orlando would be too traumatic for me so God was offering me an escape. So when I got to Arkansas, despite feeling so empty and out of place, I pushed on because I didn't want to go back to Orlando. It would be too hard and I thought my time there was up. So I pushed through each day and prayed every day that God would give me a reason to live again. I had not only lost my husband but I felt like I lost everything and I really didn't have a will to live. But I knew I was still alive for a reason so I needed to be patient and find out what my next step would be (it was of course going to be in Arkansas since my time in Orlando was up, remember?) One of my mom's friends, Mrs. Edwards, had even messaged me and kind of nudged the idea of me moving back to Orlando fairly soon. I told her I'd think about it but I honestly wasn't sure because again, Arkansas was the place I was clearly meant to be. I said yes I'd go back and visit but I didn't think I'd ever want to move back. I didn't even miss it THAT much.....yet.
I will never forget the day I first realized how much I actually did miss Orlando. It was April 17, the day after my niece Amelia was born. Her older sister, Claire, was staying with me and my parents and we were watching TV that morning. We first watched Jake and the Never Land Pirates and I remember thinking "awww, I miss that pirate", he and I were best friends at Disney :) that made me miss Disney and then, right after that show was over, Claire's favorite show comes on. Yep, that's right, Dora comes on TV and that's what REALLY made me miss my friends and my job! That was the first time I really truly felt homesick for Orlando and I asked myself "what are you doing here?" Then I answered myself (I promise I'm not crazy) and said "because God removed you from Orlando for a reason. All you need to do is just go back for a visit." So I asked my mom if we could visit earlier than late July because I couldn't wait that long. That's why we ended up there for two weeks in June. Plus, I had a Fort Lauderdale trip planned for May and another Orlando trip in late July. So I was set, I wouldn't be homesick anymore right?
A week later, Dave's parents returned to Orlando from their road trip to Arkansas and other locations. My father in law sent an email thanking everyone for their hospitality and said something along the lines of while he and Adrienne enjoyed themselves, they were happy to be back in the sunshine and warm weather. I read that sentence and thought "wow, I miss that weather. That sounds better than this snow in May that we're having." From that point, I kept seeing little things that reminded me of Orlando, including a ton of commercials for Universal. I began to pray (a lot!) and secretly searched for jobs and auditions online but I didn't want to tell anyone that I wanted to go back because I hadn't been in Arkansas very long so I thought everyone would disagree with my thinking and tell me to wait longer. However, my mom knew me better than that. We were talking one night about what to do with the stuff that's in storage in Orlando. The original plan was to bring it all back to Arkansas when we got down there in June but she made the point of "idk if we should make that decision yet. What if you decide to go back?" That's when I told her and my dad that I was homesick and I wanted to move back. While they would rather me be closer, they also came out and said they weren't surprised at all. So Mom and I decided the trip in June would be fun but also used for auditions and apartment hunting.
However, I still wanted a "non biased" point of view. My parents were supportive but they're also just like everyone else's parents and tend to worry about everything. So I wanted to talk to an adult who knew me, knew my situation, knew my family, but could also give me a straight answer. I knew the perfect man for that job would be my former youth pastor, Steve Alberts. When I went to talk to him, I laid everything out on the table. Questions, concerns, circumstances, consequences, you name it. After listening to me rant for about 20 minutes, Steve said to me "what I'm getting is, you consider Arkansas your childhood home, and you will always love it.....but Orlando has become your true home. And from what I hear you say and what I know about you, my advice is go home to Orlando and go as soon as possible. The first door that opens to go back, take it!" The night before, I had prayed that God would give me that "final sign" of whether I should stay or go. That was my sign, Steve and so many others were supporting my decision, including my grandfather who is definitely the kind of person who speaks his mind and doesn't hold back. Now that I had made that decision, I needed to inform everyone in Orlando so I could use them for job and apartment connections. I received such a warm and excited response from everyone and that confirmed my decision even more. I knew that going back was going to be rough and bittersweet at times but how wonderful it was to know that I had so many loved ones who were anxiously awaiting my permanent return.
Now for you logistical and rational people, here are my top reasons for moving back to Orlando (I have many actually). First off, it's the town where I've experienced the most insane amount growth, heartache, pain, and joy. Going through things like these makes you stronger and it can help if you're far from home and you don't have your parents to fall back on. It's a weird melting pot of emotions for me but for some reason, I always think more about the great times I had there rather than the hard ones. Had it not been for that town and my time, I wouldn't have gotten to experience all these times and begin growing into the woman that I will eventually become. To me, home is a place where you experience the highest of highs and the lowest of lows but you still think about that place called home and you can't help but feel grateful for it. That's how Orlando feels to me
2. Dave and I decided to move to Fayetteville because it's more family friendly and more geared towards younger married couples. Plus, I thought Dave would be able to find better work there. I had had my amazing jobs in Orlando so it was his turn to take over and have the awesome job. Orlando was always more of a "Kate town", it's got the entertainment and performing connections which are needed for a crazy theatrical person like myself :) and I love the bond you feel with fellow performers. Most of us are not from Orlando, we're single people in our 20's, and we're just trying to get by. We've come to Orlando from all over the country (even the world for some) and we all have one common goal: to do what we love and get paid for doing it. At Universal, I had this bond with many people and that's how I made some of my best friends
3. The people in Fayetteville are so wonderful to me and they all know me and love me so much....but hardly any of them knew Dave. Besides my family, no one in Fayetteville was directly affected by Dave's death. Meanwhile in Orlando, there are people who have been there since the beginning of our friendship, relationship, engagement, cheered us on as we walked down the aisle, and cried with me as we celebrated Dave's amazing life together. There's more grieving on that side of the Mississippi River, it's a connection thing. Again, I appreciate the people in Fayetteville so so much but I just need to be with people who kind of understand what I'm going through.
It's going to be different and it won't always be easy. But it's going to be the best thing for me. I like to think that if I can survive what I went through in March, that I'm ready to face whatever else life will throw at me. On August 12, 2007, I took a bold leap of faith and moved to Orlando to see where my life would go. Coincidentally, on August 12, 2013, I'll be taking that same leap of faith to see what's going to happen in Orlando: Part Two. I succeeded there before and with that same divine intervention, I'll do it again! I'm confident that Dave approves of this decision, all I know is he would want me to be happy and live life to the fullest like he did. It might make life crazy and out of control but in the end, that's how I like it! My monologue this summer has actually been about a girl on a rollercoaster. How appropriate is that!?
Thank you so much to all my loved ones in Fayetteville who have done so much for me these past four and a half months. I know I rag on Arkansas a lot but I will miss some aspects of it, like the fall leaves and the local hot spots. You are all very special people and I'm so grateful for your support. And thank you to my Orlando family and friends for encouraging me so much in my move, helping me get to auditions, and offering me places to stay! I can't do this without all of your help so it's because of all of you that I'm getting this chance to come back!
Look out O Town, I'm finally coming your way!!!! :)
Best wishes in Florida; they're lucky to get you.
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