We Are Orlando Strong

It's been a week for Orlando.  And none of us know how to process it, including myself.  So many people have questions unanswered, fears of being themselves, and hearts that are breaking as they continue to mourn the loss of their loved one.  I've felt many emotions as the week has gone on but the prominent emotions within me these days are conviction and pride.  Very different emotions, they're quite opposite actually but as I write, maybe they'll make sense.  So I will put what my personal experience with the shooting has been in words as best I can.  

Last Sunday was already tough for some people because of the murder of Christina Grimmie, which happened at the Plaza theatre in downtown.  Orlando was already making headlines so when I woke up on Sunday morning and saw news of the shooting, I wasn't fazed at first because I thought I already knew all of this information.  Then I saw the headline "at least 20 dead" and I redirected my eyes back to the article.  This wasn't at the Plaza, this was at Pulse, another local hot spot.  And this wasn't on Friday night, this was just a few hours ago.  And now, we are not just talking about Christina, we are talking about 20 other innocent lives senselessly taken, which later turned into 49 lives.  I immediately turned on my TV and sure enough, it was not a sick joke.  My city was making international headlines for something so horrific.  My first instinct was to text my immediate family members before they heard about this and let them know I was safe.  I had been downtown at an event the night before, which wasn't anywhere near Pulse, but I knew my mother would worry regardless.  I updated Facebook to give my friends a sense of peace as well and while I was scrolling through my newsfeed, I saw that one of my former coworkers from Universal had been at the club and was missing.  I kept in touch with people all day to know his status and if he'd been found.  I also kept checking the victims list for fear that his name would appear on there.  Unfortunately, when I checked the list the next morning, all of our worst fears came true.  Our sassy Diego friend, Xavier Emmanuel Serrano Rosado, was listed as a confirmed death at the age of 35.  

My emotions had already been running high the day before but something changed when I saw Xavier's name.  I was already disgusted with the gunman but now, I got angrier.  Not for myself but for his loved ones and most of all, his son.  How could this guy be so cruel and kill him and 48 others for no reason?  Xavier is a father and you took that boy's father away from him!  You took him away from his parents, you took him from his best friend, you took him from the fun life he had here.  I had to go to work that day and I was desperate to get there and talk to people, to comfort those who were also mourning the loss of Xavier, to hug those who almost went to Pulse that night and decided at the last minute not to go.  Just to be together with my entertainment family because we knew we were going to have some tough days ahead of us.  We weren't just observing the loss of these victims, we were now living this nightmare with their loved ones.  And this was the time to stand beside them and let them know that we are grieving with them and are here to help.  

Which brings me to my conviction I mentioned earlier.  Being raised a Southern Baptist, I've always been taught the more conservative way of life.  And there is nothing wrong with that!  What is wrong is ignorance and hatred, which I thankfully wasn't taught thanks to my loving parents.  However, being around a lot of conservative people, I felt peer pressure to think a certain way at times.  I was asked in a Sunday school class one time if I believe that being gay was a choice or something you're born with.  I knew the answer they wanted and that's what I gave them so I wouldn't get in trouble.  I was also asked on a separate occasion to sign a petition to ban gay couples from adopting in the state of Arkansas.  I felt like eyes were on me so I hesitantly did it to avoid judgement.  Before I go on, I will say that I love Jesus and I believe in His teachings, which does include some controversial things in the Bible.  BUT, I also believe in loving people and allowing them to live their life in peace.  I have always loved the LBGT community but there have been times where I was afraid to stand up for them because I was worried about what people from the church would say to me.  That conviction has been in my heart all week.  I can't be silent anymore, the hatred has to stop.  I love my church, I love my gay friends, I love the Hispanic community, and I love the Muslims.  It is not my job to tell you how to live your life, there's always going to be somebody that disagrees with how you live (some probably disagree with my way of living) but ultimately, whatever life you live should be one filled with love and compassion.  No one should have to worry about getting shot at a nightclub because of their orientation, religion, political views, or ethnicity.  So I believe God put it on my heart this week to tell my friends in the LBGT community that I'm sorry.  I have always loved you but I haven't been bold enough for you.  And I'm sorry for those who have hurt you.  I have met so many gay people that want to come to church but they are so afraid of how people would react.  Based on the comments my pastor has made in the media this week, I will tell you for a fact that you and anybody else are welcome at First Baptist Orlando.  I will go with you and if for some reason somebody gives you crap, you just tell me and I will straighten them out :) and to my Christian brothers and sisters, I am so proud of the way we have stood united this week in reaching out to all of these communities to make sure they're okay.  I believe this is the beginning of breaking whatever barriers are still present.  We can all have our views on everything in life and we can agree to disagree.  But it's a matter of doing it with love and compassion.  

Speaking of love and compassion, this is where my pride comes in.  I just want to say how awesome the city of Orlando has been this week.  I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw people lining up to donate blood and waiting up to 11 hours!  Perfect strangers from out of town were driving to Orlando to give people food and water as they waited in line.  Churches, including mine, were stepping forward to offer funerals for free and grief counseling services for any victims and their families.  Cities from all over the world began displaying the pride flag and colors of the rainbow on all of their monuments to show that they are standing with us and are here to help.  Even Chick-fil-A opened their doors on a Sunday and made free food and drinks for everybody waiting to donate blood!  I don't know where this quote came from but it sums up this whole situation: Orlando is humanity at its worst, the response has been humanity at its best. 

With the worlds' eyes on Orlando right now, it's still heartbreaking but at the same time, I've never been so proud to live in the city beautiful.  We are taking a stand and saying that this senseless act is not going to change who we are.  It's going to take some time and when the rest of the world goes back to their normal lives, we will still have a long road of recovery ahead of us.  But I believe these acts of kindness and many rainbows in the sky are God's way of showing His protection to us and I know He is so happy to see the way we're treating each other.  Let's keep this going Otown, let's keep being kind to each other no matter our beliefs.  You would be surprised at how much you can connect and relate to somebody regardless of differences.  I struck up a conversation with a woman from the Church of Scientology last night at the Lake Eola vigil and we bonded over our love of cute blouses.  I guarantee you this woman, Crystal, and I don't agree on a lot of things but she had such a sweet spirit so it was hard to not smile and laugh right along with her.  

Just be kind to everybody and get to know people for who they truly are.  Muslims, gays, Christians, Scientologists, Republicans, Democrats, Green party, Jews, blacks, whites, Hispanics, Asians, and so on.  At the end of the day, everyone's got a pulse, we are all loved by God, and our views on certain issues do not have to change how we treat each other.  We are showing this world that we can put aside our differences and be united.  We are Orlando strong and we will survive! 

If you were still looking to help, here are a few websites for fundraisers.  Some of them sell cute shirts and who doesn't love that? :) I also included Xavier's fund (second link) for his funeral and son's college savings if you are able to donate to that as well.  Thank you world, your generosity will never be forgotten!

http://www.goallday.com/products/orlando-strong-fundraiser-womens-tank-multiple-color-orlandostrong?utm_source=notify&utm_medium=notification&variant=22764017991

https://www.gofundme.com/29ew68k

https://www.booster.com/orlando-strong

https://www.gofundme.com/PulseVictimsFund

https://www.oneorlando.org/

Has It Been A Year?

One year ago.  That was the last time I blogged.  Today has been pretty chill so far and for some reason, I wanted to go back and read some of my old posts.  When I did, I saw that the last post I wrote was April 9, 2015.  Remember those days when I blogged at least once a week?  I never thought I'd be a blogger but for those of you who didn't know me a few years back, I did so because it was the best therapy for me after Dave passed away.  I didn't know how else to express my grief and pain and even though I've never been a strong writer, I felt so much better after each post.  Now, I don't blog hardly at all but once in awhile, I like to take the time and update people on where my life is going and how I got there.  

Some things haven't changed much.  I'm still full time at Universal's Super Star Parade and monkeying around in the jungle BUT I've gotten to try some other things as well.  I got cross trained into Despicable Me's unit last year and that's been so much fun!  I always love the days that I get to "brat around" with Edith and give the minions absolute hell :) again, not much has changed lol.  Another new thing I got this year was animated trainer for parade.  I train all our new animated friends before they go in to dance rehearsals so they have an idea of what character choices to make in their dancing.  That's always a fun time because the new hires are always so eager to learn and you can tell they really want to be there.  I'm not sure what my long term goal in the company is but all I know is I love working for Universal and I'm beginning to have the courage to branch out and try new things so we'll see what happens from there.  

Speaking of branching out, I got to do more performing outside of parade last year.  Since I've been getting more involved at First Baptist Orlando, I decided to audition last August for the drama ensemble in their annual Christmas show, The Singing Christmas Trees.  Even though the directors didn't know me from a sled dog, they cast me and gave me a chance.  That was just what I needed to take that next step into feeling more like a member of such a huge church.  I met people of all ages and have become friends with a few of them (and who doesn't love more friends?) And I understand why people look forward to doing that show every year, it builds community with the creative arts ministry at our church and it gave me a nice distraction from all the hustle and bustle of the holiday season.  Plus, I got to ride a freakin motorcycle onstage!  Don't freak out, I wasn't the one driving it and we were given permission by the fire marshall to do it lol.  It was pretty awesome, probably the coolest thing I've ever done in a production.  So add that to more community and new friendships and you can imagine I was pretty bummed when we wrapped up, especially because I forgot how much I love performing on the stage.  So much so that the creative juices began to flow again and I started praying that God would provide another chance for me to be involved in another production.  I remembered after Christmas had passed that a dancer at church told me about a show for the Orlando Fringe Festival that her friend was directing and said I might be perfect for it.  That specific audition never happened because somehow, I ended up stumbling upon another audition for a different Fringe show.  Which leads me to............

I don't even remember where I first saw that Summit Church was taking a show to Fringe, all I know is I saw it somewhere online.  I attended Summit back in college but never really got involved in the community so I didn't know what to expect, especially in their arts ministry.  But all I knew at the time was I needed to get my face out there again and see what would happen.  So I went to Summit and auditioned for an original musical called The Road to Zamboria.  Out of about 50 people, I only knew one person in that audition room so it was pretty intimidating.  I kinda stayed towards the back while the directors spoke to us, though that didn't work because several people came up and talked to me :) I wasn't sure what to expect when the audition was over but I thought it went pretty well.  It must've gone VERY well because the directors (who like our church director didn't know me at all) emailed me a few days later and gave me the lead!!  Of all people, they chose me for some reason :p so there was my answered prayer for more performing!  I knew it was going to be a big time commitment and who knew if the people in the cast would even like me?  However, I took that leap of faith and let me tell you, it was the right choice!  It's been a challenge to create an original character and not have ANY past performances to refer to.  I've never done that before, but it's pushing me out of my comfort zone and it's changed my way of thinking when it comes to making character choices and how to portray them.  And I get along great with the cast and crew, they've accepted me and brought me into their circle and it's been wonderful making new friendships with all of them :) again, who doesn't love new friends??  And not only are they so kind and welcoming but we've got some major talent in this cast!  Actors, directors, composers, writers, everyone is so passionate about what they do and that's why being a part of this process has been great.  We open in about six weeks when Fringe begins so keep your eyes peeled for dates :) 

I also recently starting worship leading for the children's morning services at FBC.  Through connections from Trees, I was contacted by a few people who were looking for volunteers to commit to a couple of Sunday mornings each month to help the kids' praise team lead worship and I immediately said yes.  Not only because I love helping lead worship but I also love working with kids who are into the arts and are potential future leaders.  In my experience, I have found that kids who are in the arts are often there because it's their choice and that's what they love and choose to do.  And it always takes me back to when I was a kid that loved to perform and how much knowledge I gained from my teachers and leaders so I hope that by the grace of God, I can eventually be that same kind of leader for them.  I know working with kids can either be wonderful or insane and thankfully, working with this group is nothing but the former!  And on top of that, they listen to all of their teachers and directors and are so focused when we rehearse that I can't help but have respect for them.  

Obviously, I have no problem keeping myself busy and occupied these days but during my down times, I do think about where I am now compared to where I was three years ago.  It was around this time three years ago that I wrote my first blog post after losing Dave and I wrote about how I didn't know what my next step was and I was just waiting for God to show me what to do.  I still don't have all the answers and it's never fun to think about that time of my life.  I've said this before and I'll say it again, it has been getting better each year!  Again, I know there will always be bittersweet moments, no matter how long it's been because there is no avoiding that.  But I've changed so much over the past few years and it wasn't just Dave's death that changed me, it was also through other experiences that God allowed me to have these past three years that have shaped me into who I've become.  I'd like to think that I've become much  more laid back and not as worrisome.  I still get stressed out like every human but for the most part, I feel that my faith has grown so much and with that, I'm getting a better idea of who God has called me to be.  Being surrounded by fellow Christian performers helps me grow because that's a basically my identity in a nutshell and they inspire me every day. 

So with my (most likely) one blog post this year, I'll first say thank you for reading this jumbled entry (again, not a writer).  But more so, thank you again for those of you who are still in my life and those of you who have recently come along and deal with this crazy ginger :) I may not always say it but I love all of you and how much your presence in my life shapes me into a better person.  To God be all the glory!!