I'm not sure why I feel compelled to write this particular post. Well, I kind of know why. The past few years, I've heard many stories of people who say that they have been let down by a church or ministry that they were a part of. And I sadly admit that often times, I would brush these people off thinking that they were being too sensitive or that they were just searching for an excuse to stop going to church. I thought these were just cop outs.....until it happened to me, close friends of mine, and when I heard Dave's story of his painful time in Memphis. Recently, I feel like I've heard too many of these stories and that saddens me. While I know you can't believe everything you hear and there's always two sides to every story, when something like this happens to you, you begin to see a different side of things. However, in the end, it's up to you how you want to handle it. Thankfully, I never lost my faith and while Dave almost lost his, he came back to Christ when he moved to Orlando (thank you UCMC worship team!!)
Awhile back, I was involved in a group that thrived on excellent leadership, strong discipleship, and a goal to preach the gospel. When I first became involved, my faith grew tremendously and I began to experience the love of Christ like I never had before. I found myself praying more, laughing more, and worrying less. I can't describe the joy I felt when I was there. I finally began to let my guard down because I felt like I was being who I was supposed to be and no one was going to condemn me for being me. However, as I got more involved in leadership, something shifted. Some changes had been made and things got more difficult and complicated. Communication had reached an all time low and I felt that everyone was always tense around each other. I noticed more gossip and more criticism....and a lot seemed to be directed towards me. I was in a tricky stage of life and I felt like no one cared about my life or what I did (unless I did something wrong). I went from being prayed for and encouraged on a daily basis to being completely ignored (unless I did something wrong). Someone who used to be the one I confided in suddenly began telling my personal business to other people as well as telling me other peoples' business. Another person told me that they were not going to encourage me and build me up because they were trying to prepare me for the "real world" of work (even though they encouraged everyone else around them). I found myself becoming a bitter angry person and I hated who I was. I shut down completely and cried often because I didn't know who I was anymore and I didn't know who I could trust. And sadly, I felt like God didn't like me anymore. I thought I had let Him down because I felt like such a horrible person and He hated the person I was. What greater lie is there than God hating you as a person?! The people closest to me noticed a difference and a few flat out said "we don't like the person you've become". I didn't like my every move (good and bad) being watched and critically analyzed on a regular basis and it took a toll in my spiritual growth. I felt everyone was trying to "fix me" and yes, I had some "fixing" that needed to be done but I felt like overall, I was a girl who loved Christ and when I messed up, I fessed up. God had forgiven me but I felt that no one else had and they were going to hold my mistakes over me forever. I often asked myself "why is everyone picking at JUST me? Am I really that horrible of a person??"
As things got worse, I made a decision on a whim to leave the group and never look back. I felt like I was trapped and I just needed to get out and get out quickly before I snapped. Looking back, I shouldn't have left so quickly, I should've left with a clear heart and no bitterness. But I didn't and that's something I had to work through. I eventually carried this bitterness and insecurity into my relationship with Dave and that's when he opened up to me and told me about his experience with a Christian school in Memphis and how some of those people had hurt him deeply. I realized at that point that I wasn't alone and if anything, Dave was a beacon of hope for me because he was able to put the past behind him and move forward in his relationship with Christ. But I know he couldn't have done it alone, he needed the help of fellow believers who would love him for who he was and not try to change him. He found that at University Carillon Methodist Church, Mike and the worship team embraced him and his bare guitar playing feet and I will always be thankful for their involvement in his walk.
To make myself clear, this post is NOT intended to cut people down or bad mouth anyone. This post is for people like me, Dave and others we both knew, who have been hurt by fellow believers. And for those of you who haven't, you will. It's a part of life, we can't avoid it. And often times, it will be out of our control and completely uncalled for. However, what is in our control is what we take away from all of it and how we handle it. Are you going to leave with a bitter heart or will you prayerfully consider mending these relationships before you go? If you're forced to leave, don't turn away from church, those actions are from a small group of people but not all churches will be like that! If people are not encouraging you in your relationship with your significant other but you know in your heart that God wants you to be together, stay together! If your accountability partner is not bringing you closer to Christ, don't be accountability partners with them. Learn the difference between criticism and concern, judgement and accountability, and, if I'm not being too bold, the difference between Christians and Christ. There is a difference! As Christians, we will mess up but Christ will never ever mess up. Christians might try and bring you down but Christ never will. Christians might leave you in your times of trouble, but Christ never will. That's the difference, Christians aren't perfect but Christ is. He is the only one who has the right to judge your life BUT it's up to you to listen to Him!
On that note, if you have been hurt and you still feel bitterness, cut those people some slack and forgive them. Christ has forgiven them and so should you. I'm not exactly the face of forgiveness so I will tell you, do as I say, not as I do :) but in the end, I've learned it's so much easier to forgive and forget. If you can't trust that person, don't hang out with them and if you want to be friends with them again, great! But don't be someone you're not, be yourself. Do you think that everyone thinks I'm a good example? I'm not perfect, I never will be. But I will never be someone I'm not just to please others. I'm Kate, that's who I am and that's who Dave fell in love with. I will always strive to be better but I can't change my past and I never will. I've been forgiven through Christ and so has everyone else in the world. Leave your past behind, look forward, and see what God is going to do with your life. Dave was himself all his life and didn't listen to anyone who tried to "fix him" and turn him into a completely new person. He strived to be the best David Adams he could be and didn't care what anyone thought of him. That same person is living large in heaven because he gave himself to Christ and that's all Dave cared about pleasing. That's the biggest lesson I learned from him, he never wanted me to be anyone but me. Search for those people who will build you up, they are the ones that you can learn from and they are the ones that will end up having practically half of Orlando show up at their funeral because they impacted so many people! God loves you for who you are and He's not hard to please. Leave the bitterness behind, tomorrow is always a brand new day.
"You have heard that it was said, love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you"
-Matthew 5:43-44
