It's Time For My Comeback

I've been meaning to blog now for a few days but I can't seem to find the time to sit down for an extended period of time and do so.  Like my last blog said, I've been so so busy and I'm always on the go, whether it's with work, church, or doing simple errands around town, I'm always finding something that I've committed to.  I feel like I'm in college all over again, which isn't such a bad feeling :) but since this time of year is when Dave is most on my mind, I figured I should let everyone know why this year has been different.  I've explained all of this to my family and my in laws, who are still a crucial and wonderful part of my life and I wouldn't have that any other way!

For those of you who don't know specific dates of my story, February 16, 2013 is the day that Dave and I got married, March 8, 2013 is the day he passed away, and April 1 is his birthday.  So there is about a two month period every year that Dave is on my mind and my heart more than usual.  However, this year has been very different for me.  Last year was the first time that I had to experience the "firsts", the first wedding anniversary without him, first March 8th without him, and all the first holidays without him.  However, now that I know I can get through one year, this year was a much more positive outlook.  I won't even go into what condition I was in when he first passed away (it obviously wasn't good) and last year, I was also in bad shape as I was in an emotionally tumultuous relationship, unemployed, and not right with God because of my life's circumstances.  This year has been so different and for the better.  I'm employed full time at Universal (and I'm cross training into another role for parade starting next week!) and because I don't have a significant other right now, I've truly been able to discover who I am and I feel God has restored my identity, which is something I wondered if I'd ever regain (look at my blog posts from April, 2013).  My church friends have been such a huge help in that department.  I began attending FBC Orlando in October, 2014 and since I got more involved and joined leadership for the young adults group, I've made such a solid group of friends there who have become my source of encouragement, prayer, and fun times all around.  I prayed so hard last summer that God would bring me a good community of believers and as usual, He delivered and so much more than I would've anticipated.  I shared my story at church a few weeks ago and everyone responded so well and has been so wonderful to me since that night.  All I can say is thank you Lord for this group you've blessed me with, they are there to pray for me but also to make me laugh harder than I've ever laughed before!

So basically, the word for this year has been freedom.  I'm free from the grief, I'm free from the drama of past relationships, I'm free of the crap I dealt with for two years.  But I shouldn't be so surprised and I'll tell you why.  The week leading up to Dave's memorial service, I had so much going through my mind about what life would be like without him.  For some reason, "two years" kept coming to my mind,  I wasn't sure what it meant but two years later, now I know.  And my friend Kevin had a big impact on that thinking as he was the one that suggested that maybe that was God's way of telling me that I'd be free from everything in two years.  Kev, you were correct :) Now, when I share my story, I don't shed tears but dwell on the happy memories I had with Dave.  I no longer wonder if I can give my heart to another man one day because I did it almost a year after Dave died and though it didn't work between us, I know it's still possible.  Someone once told me that maybe, just maybe, God made two men just for me, Dave being one of them.  Until Mr. Right (part two) comes along, I cling to the path God has laid before me and continue to try new things until He tells me what to do next.  On Easter Sunday, Pastor David spoke about making a comeback and introduced former Magic player Nick Anderson, who spoke about his comeback after a rough season of not making his normal amount of free throws.  All I kept thinking was "I've made my comeback, now it's time to officially shed the grief, bad relationships, and emotional turmoil behind.  I'm free because He has set me free".

Boy, isn't THAT a big change from the blogs I was writing two years ago.  I can't tell everyone how thankful I am to be in the stage of life that I'm currently in.  I wouldn't trade my life for anything, I have everything I could ever want, plus some because God is in control and always gives me more than I could ever anticipate.  So for all of you going through rough times, hang in there, better times ARE coming!  I say this so often but I wish I could go back in time and tell that redhead to just give it some time, her sass and laughter will one day return :)

'Cuz I'm Happy!

I was looking at some old Facebook posts tonight, mostly from the summer of 2013, when I was back in Arkansas and trying desperately to move back to Orlando.  I had no idea what life was going to be like.  Could I truly live here on my own without Dave or anyone else here to "take care" of me?  Would I be able to get my old job back or get a new job?  The fact that I haven't hardly had time to catch up on TV shows, let alone continue blogging, should be a good indicator of what those answers are.  But in case you're like me and need things spelled out for you, the answer is yes, I have had some help but ultimately, I feel like I'm on my own.  And yes, I was able to go back to parade full time and have my big girl benefits back!  Realizing how much my life has changed made me want to do a quick update for everyone on where I am in my rollercoaster life.

This new year, I'm aiming to look at what I currently have in my life and not focus so much on what's to come.  I was talking with a friend at work today and she got to go to the Passion Conference in Atlanta this past weekend.  During our lunch break, she shared with me everything she learned and what she felt God was telling her to do during this season of her life.  We had identical resolutions, to be grateful for all God has supplied us with and be content with what's happening in our lives right now.  And that's not to say that we won't try to move forward and strive for more but we also know that we don't want to miss out on what's happening right now.  God has me EXACTLY where He wants me and when He's ready for me to move forward, He'll give me the push and the tools necessary to do so as long as I stay in communication with Him.

So to sum up life since last time I blogged, I'm so thankful to be back full time at Universal, I'm beginning to find comfort in a new church, I've formed new friendships and kept the old ones, I'm hoping to go on more vacations this summer (back to Key West I hope!), and I'm still so incredibly happy living in Orlando.  I love visiting Arkansas but I'm here in the Sunshine State to stay!  I'm open to other cities in Florida if the opportunities come up in the future but I enjoy the sun and constant warm weather too much to ever leave the state so don't even try to convince me otherwise :) it's so cliche but I wish I could tell that grieving newlywed from the summer of 2013 to just give it some time, life will turn around and get right back on track.  I do hope to one day find love again but for right now, being on my own isn't so bad, especially when I plan trips for this coming year with family and friends (did I mention I wanna go back to Key West?)

I still love you David Adams and I hope I'm making you proud as I continue writing my life story!