Matching Grief

Before all of this happened, I had never experienced a lot of grief in my life.  And at age 24, it's a weird blessing in disguise that this is the first time in my life I'm really having to rely on my faith and Christ alone.  It's so easy to give thanks and praise Him when things are going well or life is just trekking along.  However, it really takes a test like this to find out where you stand with God and just how much are you willing to trust Him.  And if you're a lucky one like me (no tremendous pain until your adulthood), realize that hard times are coming.  We can't escape pain in life and I'm sure there will be more hard times to come for me and others.  But God is the same today, tomorrow, and forever and He is right there alongside of every step of the way, through the good and the bad.  He never promised us an easy life but a life where He will use everything for good, even during those crappy times.  And He never ever puts us through something that He knows we can't handle.  As time goes on and I accept my life as it is, it actually gets easier to cling on to God's promise and whether my life gets any better or not (which I know it will), there is a heavenly reward waiting for me at the end that I get to look forward to.  And I expect Dave will have a spot reserved for me on one side of him, the spot on his other side reserved for The Edge :)

Up until this point of my life, like most people, I never knew what to say to someone who were going through hard times.  Everyone is different, you just don't know how someone who's hurting is going to respond to anything that's said to them.  Sometimes, I'm unpredictable as well.  I don't get angry as much as I used to, I think I'm slowly beginning to move on from that and into the final stage of grief, which is something along the lines of accepting this new normal.  But I could revert back at any time.  About 80% of the time, I'm okay but there is that 20% that I could blow up or start randomly sobbing.  If someone who didn't know my story saw me during one of those outbursts, they'd probably think that I've escaped from a mental institution.  But those who do know my story certainly aren't surprised.  Alarmed, maybe but definitely not surprised.  However, I was prepared for people to be speechless around me or even avoid me at times.  I can't blame them!  When my life is zig zagging all over the place, it's hard to keep up.  But the people who I knew would stick around are still around.  There are a few that I don't talk to as much as I used to but I have yet to be let down by someone that I'm close to.  I've even gotten to know some people who I didn't know before purely because they can relate to my pain.  Grief can tear people apart but it can also bring people together. 

Obviously, I'm still learning a lot in all of this.  I don't think I'll ever stop learning from this experience  It's the one good thing that will surely come out of this and I don't doubt that there will be more good in the future.  But after almost two months of grieving, I've discovered how I handle pain and how I want people around to treat me.  Most people I know seem to have a pretty good grasp on my personality and know what to say around me.  But if you don't and you would like to hear it from the horse's mouth, here we go.  It's simple: treat me like you always have and/or match however I'm feeling that moment.  If I seem like I'm pretty down, be sympathetic but go ahead and try to cheer me up a little, it'll most likely work.  If I'm laughing, laugh with me.  If you honestly don't know what to say regarding Dave, it's okay, we don't have to talk about him.  Ask me about something else or tell me what you've been up to.  And if you can't think of the right thing to say about my situation but you truly feel compelled to say something, simply say "I hope you're doing okay and I'm here if you need anything."  It's all about matching grief, that's what my youth pastor's wife told me and I think that's the best advice any grieving person can give.  It's not healthy to always be happy and never sad but the other way around isn't good either.  However, I believe that there is a happy medium, which is to try and stay positive but if I need to escape and throw something against the wall or go cry for a few minutes, I will.  

I hope I will become much more mature and Christ filled as a result from this tragedy.  But no matter what, I will always be the same crazy kooky Kate who occasionally says the most inappropriate and/or ditzy comments in the most inopportune times.  That's the woman who Dave fell in love with so I for sure won't change who I am.  If you normally love making fun of me, keep doing so :)  If you want to just hug me, that's okay too.  I will never turn down a hug from a friend or miss out on hearing a funny joke.  Knowing that there's people who still love me for who I am and will be there to make me laugh keeps me going every single day!