I'm Not The Only One

As I'm typing this blog post, I'm sitting in my new home with my new cat who's nuzzling my arm so I'll pet her instead of type.  I also just got back from an Irish dance class and I'm waking up early tomorrow morning for a little book club with a few girls from church at Panera.  Obviously, I'm establishing a little routine in my life but I'm not actively looking for a full time job until after summer ends because I already have too many obligations until then.  I'll be doing a few children's theatre camps and I'll also be traveling back and forth to different parts of Florida.  I'm so excited for the first trip to Fort Lauderdale in just two weeks!  Dave's sister and her family live there and his niece Lexi has a ballet recital so I'm going to represent both Dave and myself and be there for that.  Not to mention lay on the beach and take a cooking class with Rachel.  It'll be nice to get away for a little bit and spend time with my sister in law, brother in law, and niece.  

This past week, I've realized that not only am I the only one who's going through a rough time, there are many people who are braving darker storms than mine and lean on God more than I have.  Granted, I've had no choice but to lean on God but I'm amazed at the trials people go through and yet seem to still have it together and still have the joy of the Lord in them all the time.  I'm sure they have their rock bottom moments but these people inspire me to be more like Christ.  I don't know if they know that they're inspiring me, especially those of them who I don't know very well.  Which then makes me think "well, am I inspiring anyone through my story?"  If so, great, I hope I'm doing a good job!  If not, I at least hope I'll make God and Dave proud with the way I live my life and carry myself.  

As far as the kinds of trials I've seen this past week, most of them do not involve death.  We always think that death is the worst kind of pain that people can experience.  But death is not anything to be feared when we have the hope of eternal life.  I KNOW I'll see Dave again one day, along with many other loved ones.  It might be awhile but it'll happen and he'll be waiting for me when I come home.  So even though my situation sucks, it will have a happy ending and until then, I know I'll have happy moments in life to look forward to (such as my summer trips to Florida!!!).  At least I know Dave is safe and content.  Some people have missing children and do not know where they are.  Some people are in unhappy relationships and do not know how to leave.  Some people might seem like they have it all but on the inside, they're hurting deeply and might not having anyone to talk to about their pain.  And some people have a normal life but do not have faith and fear what their next step is.

Pondering all of this, as much as I know that this event was tragic and I did lose a lot, I'm also beginning to gain a lot.  I don't know where I'll end up living next year but God does.  Sadly, Dave will not be my lifetime partner and the father of my future children so I don't know who will be but God does.  I don't know what I'll be doing for a living but God does.  I don't know when I'll finally be able to see my Dave again but God does.  But this is what keeps me going every day: God has me exactly where He wants and He has shown me that I'm not the only person who's going through a rough time and in fact, things could be much worse.  I still have my family, Dave's family, friends who I can be my crazy self around, my health, finances to last me awhile, a nice starter house, etc.  And most of all, I have God's abundant love and grace.  Though I have rough moments and I don't ever water down what happened to me and our families, I also am focusing on thanking God for what I still DO have rather than dwell on what I no longer have.  And Dave is still around so technically, I will never lose him :)

I'm not the only one going through hard times.  I'm not the only one who lost a husband early in life.  And I'm not the only one who God is carrying at this moment.  He has a plan for all of our lives, a plan that will fulfill the Godly desires of our hearts and will please Him and bring forth His word.  I'm not the only one He has a plan for.  

Below is the lyrics to Chris Tomlin's "How Can I Keep From Singing".  The words are helpful to me so if you're reading this and you're also facing a dark period, try listening and/or reading these lyrics.  God uses music to speak to artsy, right-brained people like myself :)

There is an endless song
Echoes in my soul
I hear the music ring

And though the storms may come
I am holding on
To the rock I cling

How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing

I will lift my eyes
In the darkest night
For I know my Savior lives

And I will walk with You
Knowing You'll see me through
And sing the songs You give

I can sing in the troubled times
Sing when I win
I can sing when I lose my step
And fall down again
I can sing 'cause You pick me up
Sing 'cause You're there
I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord
When I call to You in prayer
I can sing with my last breath
Sing for I know
That I'll sing with the angels
And the saints around the throne

Godspeed,

<3 Kate