It's been quite awhile since I blogged, I think over a month! It is now 12:01 in Orlando so today is 7 months since Dave left this world and joined Christ and many of our loved ones in heaven. As far as where I'm at, I'm almost too busy to think about where I am emotionally. Since I started working HHN at Universal, my schedule has been non stop with working five nights a week and preparing to move into my new apartment! For those of you who know me well, you know what a blessing that has been for me! And I'm enjoying it now since I may not have anything else for awhile when this run is done in November. But come November, I have a trip to Key West with my best friends and sis in law for our 25th bdays and soon after that, my parents will be in town for Thanksgiving. So even if I don't get work right away, I'll still have things to look forward to but I'm confident that sooner than later, God will put another job and/or project in my path. He created me to be a girl on the go, He knows my desires and He's called me back to Orlando for a reason. Though things haven't fallen in place quite like they did this summer, I still feel so much more at peace here and more like myself again. There are some bittersweet and frustrating days but overall, I'm so happy living here again! The sun, the beach, the crazy tourist filled theme parks, that's where I belong right now. I keep reading verses and devotions about being at peace where you currently are, don't rush the waiting period because it can do more harm than good. It doesn't get much clearer than that.
Tonight, I was reading posts on Dave's wall from when he first passed away and from a few weeks after his memorial service. The more I read, the more I began to think about who I am and what I've done. I never realized until Dave's death what an impact he made on so many people. People who range from 13 years old to 70 have told me the ways that Dave influenced them and some of them never even met him or barely knew him. And when you think about an influential person, you think of someone with a major title or job position, such as FDR, Steve Jobs, Martin Luther King Jr, or someone who maybe isn't famous but has a masters degree and is the CEO of a major company or has started their own successful business. At least that's what I used to think of when someone asked me who I thought was inspirational. Now that I look back on Dave's short life, he didn't do any of that. He never had a major salaried job, he never became famous, he never finished college, and he never made a lot of money. He never held a high position in a church, he simply played his guitar in many worship bands because, in his words, "that's when he felt closest to God and when he felt he was truly speaking to Him." He never preached a sermon from a pulpit or became an international missionary, he took whatever trips he could afford and showed the love of Christ to everyday people in his own backyard. Unlike me, he didn't worry about who he was or what people thought of him, he was comfortable in his jeans and flip flops and worshiped God in his own way. Unlike me, he forgave and didn't hold grudges, he was not one to judge people he didn't know, and he would welcome anyone into his life no matter who they were or what they did. As his best friend Eric said at his service, if we could sum up Dave in one word, it would be loyalty. He encouraged me in my walk with Christ and was ready to be a true spiritual leader.
This past Sunday, I was in Sunday School and our leader talked about many traits of Jesus, including His love for all of mankind, His simple lifestyle, the age He died (33), and how many people rejected Him because He was about to make an impact on the world. The more she talked about Jesus, the more I realized how very much like Him Dave was. Unlike Jesus, Dave wasn't perfect and he had flaws just like everyone else. But when I think about each of those traits, I can't help but think how close to Christ Dave really was. He didn't Bible thump people or preach the gospel verbally 24/7, he chose to bond and form friendships with these people in the hopes that his actions would plant the seed and if needed, he would use words and use them well. Dave died three weeks before his 33rd birthday, right around the age that Jesus was nailed to the cross. I say if one is going to die young, that is just about the best and holiest age to go. It almost makes sense to me now, God knew that Dave's work here would be done in a short amount of time and on March 8, it was time for him to join his Savior and enjoy his heavenly reward.
When I think about the huge turnout at Dave's visitation and memorial service, my heart swells with pride knowing what an amazing guy God brought into my life. For some reason, Dave felt a connection with me and chose me of all women to be his wife. To this day, I don't know what the hell he was thinking :) he could've done soooooo much better than me but boy am I glad that he had the grace and patience to stick by my side for almost two years and love me unconditionally every second of every day. It's a comfort to me when people tell me they had never seen him happier since the day he'd met me. He always said that even on my worst day, he would rather come home and fight with me all night long than go and get some from another girl. That alone defined him as a man, a husband, and a friend.
I've been thinking about my walk with Christ and how can I improve like Dave did. The main thing I will be working on is the biggest lesson that Dave taught me: DON'T WORRY! Life is too short to worry about anything, God is bigger than any of our problems. I know many people are struggling since the government shut down and I completely understand their concerns. But I also hope that those people will find comfort in God's blessings and power. Those who seek Him and cry out to Him will be blessed, maybe not in the ways that you had hoped or expected, but He will not leave anyone hanging! Some people are worried about fessing up to things they've done because they're worried people will reject them. If people do reject you, they're not worth your time, real friends stick by you no matter what. Some people are worried about finding a significant other and rush into relationships to satisfy that longing and end up settling. DON'T DO IT! A broken heart from a breakup is so much harder to recover from and it will always do more harm than good and settling down with someone you aren't 100% sure you should be with is just as harmful. I learned the hard way a few times that rushing into a relationship never ends well unless you're the lucky exception that somehow makes it work. Always always always pray and take some time before entering into a relationship, the wait will always be worth it.
So what will people say at our funerals? Who will show up? Who will be there to comfort our loved ones? We hear this a lot but when someone so close to you dies so young, it hits closer to home and you realized that time is running out. If you died today, would you have any regrets? What examples did you set for others? When people looked at your life, would they say that you lived a bold Christ filled life and you are worshiping Him face to face or would people worry that you didn't make it to heaven? Would people really care what jobs you held or what kind of money you made? Would anyone remember how big your house was or what car you drove? Would anyone remark on how perfect you were at everything you did? These are just a handful of questions that come to my mind when I think of the example I set now and how much work God still has left for me.
With all that being written, my goal from here on out is going to be very simple: don't worry! Worrying creates unnecessary stress and anxiety and ain't nobody got time for that. That was the biggest lesson Dave ever taught me and I hope I'll never forget it. It goes with everything in life, especially who I am as a person and who I believe God has called me to be. I'm not one to quote every Bible verse or go around yelling Jesus' name everywhere I go. But all I know is when I write my blogs, I never say anything I don't mean. The Bible is my main source and everything points back to it but I also am a firm believer that God will speak to us in many other ways. I know He does because he's done it for me many times throughout my life, whether it's through a dream, an occasional vision, or a guitar shaped cloud in the sky at the beach to symbolize my husband's presence with Him :) Dave is still with me and will constantly remind me to just "chill out" so that one day, when my life comes to an end and we're finally reunited, he can smile at me and say "wow baby, look at the life you lived, listen to what people are saying about you and how faithful you were in your spiritual walk. Now go get a glass of wine so we and God can make a toast to your homecoming"
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