I'm literally just sitting in my house, watching some trashy reality TV when a text from my best friend comes in. Like me, she has also been going through a very difficult time and we've leaned a lot on each other these past couple of months. We're both reading daily devotionals and often times, I will forward my devotional on to her if I think it relates to her and how she might be feeling. Today, she did that same thing for me and it's just amazing how God continues to speak to me and make His answers to my questions clearer every time.
The name of the devotional for today was called "Step Out". Right away, these words caught my attention. For the past month or so, as I mentioned a few weeks ago, I've been wrestling with the decision of whether I should continue building my life here in Fayetteville or if I should go back to Orlando because I really don't feel like I'm done there. There are pros and cons to each location and of course, my family supports me in whatever decision I make. However, I have actively been praying into going back to Orlando and as God always seems to do for me, He slowly leads me down a certain path and tells me to trust Him down this path because it's all about taking one step at a time. The devotional talked about how we should not be afraid to be bold with our faith and respond to God's calls in life. The line that caught my attention the most was "I think it is better to try and fail than to never try at all." That's exactly what I told myself last week when I asked myself "would you rather go with the safe decision or take a risk?" And think back to all the times in my past that I took a big risk: choosing to go far away from home for college, choosing a major that doesn't guarantee steady jobs, and finally, choosing to be with David Adams and eventually marry him. Each of those decisions required lots of prayer but not prayers of clarification necessarily, more like prayers for God's provision and guidance as I took those giant leaps of faith. God has given me all the clarification I need, now I just need to trust Him and pray that I will once again have that courage that has proven to be successful for me in the past.
I'm sure everyone has called it but just so you hear it from me, I have come to the decision to move back to Orlando. I cannot ignore that inward tug anymore, it's almost like I have my own Jiminy Cricket inside of me (Disney dork here!) I've kept from posting too much on Facebook about it until I knew for sure what was going on. But now, I feel that it's time that I myself need to "step out" and make everyone aware that it's for sure happening, especially because I will need to use social media and people for job connections. Thankfully, I have support from everyone in both cities and family and friends who are willing to help. Yes, I will need to find a job again when I get down there but I was able to find good work when I was there before, who's to say that I can't do that again? Fayetteville will always be my hometown but it's no longer my home. I might return one day but for now, it's just not the place that I need to be. I feel very unsettled here and I'll be honest, staying just feels wrong. I may end up somewhere other than Orlando but staying in Arkansas is not the right thing to do. When I was in Fort Lauderdale last week with Dave's sister, I saw those palm trees, I felt the sun, and heard the waves in the ocean......and for the first time in a few months, I truly felt like I was home. Orlando isn't perfect but for this point in my life, it's the perfect place for me.
I don't know when exactly I'm moving but it's going to be fairly soon. While I'm down for a visit in June, I'm going to be going to auditions and scoping out apartments. If anyone has ANY suggestions or knowledge of anything relating to those, please let me know, connections are my best friend right now. I don't know what life will be like when I'm back but I do know that God will provide no matter where I am or what I do. He has a plan and Orlando is still a part of that plan. Clearly, I have some unfinished business left there and I'm excited to see what chapter 2 of living in central Florida is going to bring!
YAY YAY YAY, I'M COMING HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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